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Sometimes I Get Lost

1/10/2015

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Ephesians 4:7- 10: “To each one of us grace has been given as Christ apportioned it. This is why it (Psalm 68:18) says: “When He ascended on high, He took many captives and gave gifts to His people. ”(What does “he ascended” mean except that He also descended to the lower, earthly regions? He who descended is the very one who ascended higher than all the heavens, in order to fill the whole universe.)

Life Application Study Bible Commentary on Ephesians 4:9: “The ‘lower, earthly regions’ may be (1) the earth itself (lowly by comparison to heaven), (2) the grave, or (3) Hades (many believe Hades is the resting place of souls between death and resurrection). However we understand it, Christ is Lord of the whole universe, past, present, and future. Nothing or no one is hidden from Him. The Lord of all came to earth and faced death to rescue all people. No one is beyond His reach.”

Sometimes, especially when I am not feeling well as MS kicks my butt, I get lost. My short term memory becomes a real difficulty and I can’t quite figure out what is going on. This is very disturbing since multitasking was so easy for me for 63 years. I could listen to conversations and cut hair or decide on what would be the best color formulations, answer questions, be present to those with me, check who just came in the door, and pray all at the same time. Not so any more. My relationship with my God sometimes seems missing because I think I might, almost as an involuntary action, ‘shut down’ a bit to protect myself. I feel lost, alone, and a bit confused. My ‘sensors’ are down and my shields are up. (Yes, I am a nerd. That is one of the reasons we named my walker “Luke Sky-Walker”).

I love the way that the Bible assures us of God’s presence. If we don’t feel anything, that is okay. We walk by faith and not by sight or feeling. Our feelings can fool us so many times. I go back to the training manual: the Word of God. There I see the positives of my relationship with God. I see He offers forgiveness and relationship. I read that He brings healing and wholeness. And I memorize His promises of life with Him eternally. As I remind myself of these truths, I can function even in my ‘lost’ state. I can love others and love God. I have enough band width to be around others and remind them of His faithfulness even when I am running on empty.

Running on empty has been difficult because I know what fills me up usually. Regrettably, chronic symptoms drain me even when I have the best intentions. Right now every time I eat, I need a nap. It is taking more energy to digest than most people experience. Seems particularly dumb to me, yet that is what is going on. So I choose to say 'no' more. Choose to stop what I am doing more. I choose to rest. And I choose joy. Today I had a peanut butter sandwich and then tried to take my husband’s pants out of the dryer and hang them up. It was as if those pants weighed a hundred pounds! I had to go lay down to recover. This to me is completely ridiculous. But again, it is reality. My joy comes as I look at Whose I am. I belong to the most amazing Heavenly Father. He keeps me, holds me and carries me.

So as I read the above commentary: “Christ is Lord of the whole universe, past, present, and future. Nothing or no one is hidden from Him. The Lord of all came to earth and faced death to rescue all people. No one is beyond His reach.” I am comforted with the fact that no matter how lost I feel, how detached I feel, He is with me. He is for me. And He has a plan. I am grateful. And I choose joy.

1 Comment
Marlene Johnson
1/14/2015 02:47:13 am

Love you Barb. Amazing.

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    Barb Berens
     is a woman 
    who is learning who she is day by day 
    with the help of her Heavenly Father.

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    It seems to fall into the category of Aleatoric Art. I just scribble &  it looks
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    ​Aleatoricart posted this description in September 2011 (this is an elevated view in my opinion):

    "Aleatoric Art is the ultimate collaboration between
    man and the elements. Happenstance, randomness
    and a twist
    of fate’s unwilling wrist go in halfseys
    with some of the most outstanding visionaries
    the planet can boast in a peaceful
    yet often violent serendipity of
    creative cacophony
    to produce works of art that go far beyond those
    of mere mortals alone."

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