I was just thinking about how this MS Flare is affecting my life.
First, I began to understand how I have always strived at being okay even when I can’t see or walk. I now realize that no matter how much I strive and work at it, I cannot make myself better in any way. The Lord is the Healer of my life. So I relaxed and am doing better about all of it! I have more peace and joy during this severe MS Flare that I ever have.
Several weeks ago, I believe that the Lord clarified my life for the next season. This is what my new schedule would be: Tuesday morning lead Women’s Bible Study at PCC; Wednesday Night, lead Women’s Bible Study at PCC; Kensington PLace, where Gloria lives, on Saturday and Sunday to do Services, plus visits during the week; Hudson on Sundays, and Stephen Ministry. I would not be as available to do coffees and lunches as much as before, that I would have to sacrifice things for fun, for that I was to do for the Lord. I listened, agreed and waited to see how this would all play out in my life.
Now here I am in the middle of an MS Episode, a severe one, and I am having to cancel my life. The Lord knew about this and planned for it to happen at this time. I was wondering today why.
I have always been outwardly focused, my job created that in me. I knew that clients really didn’t care about how I was, they wanted all the attention and that was fine with me. I became masterful at redirecting the conversation back to them.
I know that authenticity is so important in relationships, and that has been difficult for me after 45 years of great practice at work. Now the Lord wants me to be transparent.
Being God, He knew exactly how to create that in me. Show me what my schedule was to be, and then allow me to not be able to do any of it. I therefore have to publicly be transparent about what is really going on. I have to cancel with people, and online. I have to not show up to meetings that I had planned to attend.
Everyone knows what is going on. It is no secret. There I was in church in front of everyone in a wheelchair. That’s transparent. The Lord also wanted me to know that I am loved. I was shocked at all that Scott said about me to everyone in front of me. I do not know what I bring to the table, ever.
So here I am, vulnerable and weak, and everyone knows. God is so good to me. He never lets me get away with ANYTHING!
A pastor once said: “Our lives are like garbage cans. Unless we open up the lid and let the Lord clean it out for us, He will allow someone else to knock our can over spilling the garbage out in front of everyone.” I think everyone could think of a headline to which that applies. Well, my secret sickness is out now, in the headlines. The great thing is, I’m okay with that. As Al folds the laundry and helps me up and down and brings me everything I need, I can rest, knowing this was God’s plan for me. I am resting and enjoying the time at home.