Philippians 1:21: “For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.”
BarbTalk:
I looked up this verse in every translation I could find. They all say just about the same thing. It sounds very lofty. Can a normal Christ Follower utter this statement? More investigation was necessary to find the key to applying this verse.
After checking many translations, I went to the Hebrew/Greek Study Bible. The words for live and die have slightly different meanings than we normally would consider, but not different enough to understand more about the verse. The key was in the grammatical notations. Next to the word live is the notation pinf, present infinitive. This means refers to continuous or repeated action, without implying anything about the time of the action. In addition, it could be translated as in order to live there is Christ, or Christ gives me purpose to live.
The Amplified translation of this says it the best: “For me to live is Christ [His life in me], and to die is gain [the gain of the glory of eternity].”
The word die has in front of it ainf or aorist infinitive. This refers to a simple action, to die. To die once. We are not afforded many times to die and raise and die again. One time, one go around. No second time to try to do it right this time. Once. Hebrews 9:27-28, (NIV): “Just as people are destined to die once, and after that to face judgment,B)" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30133B" > so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many; and He will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for Him.” To live, really live, is having Christ’s life in us. The famous song, Amazing Grace, first verse states: “Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me! I once was lost, but now am found; was blind, but now I see.”
It is definitely amazing to speak to a new believer. Their whole perspective has changed. They were blind, but now they see.
This is one of those BarbStories:
It’s Not Ability, But Availability That Counts
After living 33 years of my life ignoring the existence of God, I became a Christian on April 3, 1983. In my newfound Love, I was in awe of God and all that He had to offer me. As I reflect back on those first few months of relationship with God, I realize that I had been given the gift of new eyesight. What was ordinary before became more than extraordinary: the grass looked greener, the flowers bloomed more abundantly, and the trees, in their loveliness, with their boughs reaching up to heaven, were like instruments of praise to the Almighty. The sky was bluer, and the bird’s songs were more lovely, as they swept in and out of the grace that carried them, chirping applause to the One who provides all things.
The toddler steps I took each day in my new life in Jesus were submerged in reverent awe, as I soared the heights, floated on mercy, stumbled over grace, and walked confidently on the pathways of God’s love. I was set free. I didn’t need to control everything around me. God was in control. I was at His beck and call. The old control freak was gone, the new easy going wonder woman had arrived.
I had been cutting hair for 15 years when I encountered this Marvelous Savior. All that I had understood before suddenly had a brilliant light shining on it, revealing truth often ignored. My job, instead of being the same old thing every day, was transformed, as I peered through the eyes of the Divine. Each person who sat in my chair became a stage for displaying the wonders of a God who cares enough about His creation to make each feature, each gray hair, each golden lock a masterpiece of His glory. Like an unattended fire hydrant, I was eager to share both sweetly and sometimes obnoxiously, the truth of this God who was filling me daily with His Love.
My friend and client, Tricia (not her real name), called one day and asked me all kinds of questions about the Bible. As I listened, I panicked a little as I was so new at this. Trembling with wonder, I tried to remind myself that it was not my ability, but my willingness and availability that God uses. He had always turned my small loaves and fish into a banquet, so I could relax, be present, and listen to my friend on the phone.
During the conversation, Tricia confessed that her life was not going as she had hoped, and mentioned that she had observed such a transformation in me and was drawn to the possibility having her own emptiness filled.
My husband and I had our friend Mike staying over for a few days the Saturday that Tricia called with her questions. Mike always followed me around the house, curious about who I was and what I was doing. So of course, when Tricia called, Mike was right there, sitting at the kitchen table, next to the only phone in the house. Mike managed to be all ears, even though he was singularly focused on wrapping his lunch spaghetti around on a spoon like the mafioso in all the old Italian movies. He was not about to remove himself from my presence while I was having this intimate conversation with Tricia. Being a novice at this, I didn’t want him to hear me. I felt forced to converse with my face lowered into the kitchen sink, each syllable echoing loudly as it plummeted to the bottom of the garbage disposal. Our phone call ended as Tricia and I decided to meet later that day. I really didn’t want to keep sharing this great news of God with my lips glued to the porcelain.
Later that day, Tricia and I walked all over sun drenched Palo Alto for hours. I did my best to tell her everything I knew, trying to recall all that I had heard at church and all I had read in the Bible. I did my best to share what I could remember about Adam and Eve, the Law and the Prophets in the Old Testament, and how Jesus and His imminent return fulfilled all that was documented in this Holy Literature. As we talked and walked, I disintegrated into a basket case. Help me God! I don’t know how to do this! Over and over, this rolled through my thoughts: Babies leading babies. Oh boy. Good thing God is in charge.
My thoughts were whirling...would I do the right thing? Say the right thing? Pray the right things? What if I blow it? What if she asks me something I can’t answer? What if I get stuck and not know what to do.. What if, what if, what if...Now I just want to cry. Okay. Stop. Knock it off. This is not about you, Barb. Get a hold of yourself. This is one of those ‘trust moments’.
Rather than focusing on my inadequacy and fear, I intentionally squelched my desire to run away and forced myself to think about the people that Jesus gathered around Him.
Jesus called and equipped normal folks like me to be His ambassadors. Ordinary, mistake-making, blundering-idiot-sometimes, people like me. He didn’t look into people’s eyes and judge their knowledge, He looked into their hearts and assessed how available they were to be used by Him.
I thought of the apostle Peter: he was always so impulsive. His real name was Simon, which translates into ‘Wishy Washy’. In the account of the Transfiguration, one translation states: "Peter, not knowing what to say, said…" It was always “foot in mouth disease”, and always tasty toes for Peter. Oh boy is that familiar! Yet even with all the dumb things he did, Jesus changed his name from Wishy Washy to Peter, which means "Rock." I pondered the lives of the apostle, John, and his brother, James, who were nicknamed ‘Sons of Thunder’. They needed anger management seminars. Then there was Thomas the doubter. Matthew the tax collector, considered lower on the society level than the worst criminals. Mark, the one who ran away. Luke, the doctor, who was very technical and not so spiritual. And Bartholomew, who the heck was that? What about Mary and Martha? Mary just sat around, and Martha was too busy to sit and listen. Mary Magdalene had commitment issues. Then there was ‘Nick at night’: Nicodemus, a religious scholar, who came to question Jesus in the dark so he wouldn’t get caught by those in religious authority. Peter denied Jesus 3 times, and got the ‘look that kills’ from Him. I guess he decided his job as an Apostle was over with when Jesus died, so he went back to fishing. Jesus picked these folks to be the new leaders of the "Family Business", because He was headed back up to heaven to sit at the right hand of God to intercede for us. Jesus trusted them and now He trusted me to share what He had done.
Hmmmm… I guess I am not that bad. Just a little ignorant. My best efforts and brilliant ideas will change no one. God is the One who has to show Tricia, teach her, open her heart and bring her new life. I love how Psalm 119:130 states it: “The unfolding of Your Words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple.” Sharing this great news with Tricia is an honor, and must be treated with honor and respect. God’s Word alone brings light and life. Captivated by this Truth, I mentally touched the hem of Jesus’ garment, submitting myself to His plan for Tricia, not mine. Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life that had been revealed to me, and I desperately wanted Tricia to fall into His embrace. I had learned that who God calls, He equips. (So equip me already!) I also remembered the scripture in Romans 11:29: “God’s gifts and His call are irrevocable.” I reminded myself that I had been given gifts that God will keep in place, and He had given me the ability to use them. (So get with the program already!)
As Tricia and I turned the corner toward her apartment, my BC (before Christ) life and the old feeling of trying to take control of everything and everyone crept into my being, paralyzing me, creating a giant boulder of defiance and separation from the God I loved. There was such a contrast between Tricia and I in those moments. As we walked and talked, Tricia was moving gently along the path to meet the God of the Universe, heart wide open, hands wide open, ready to receive anything He had for her. My hands were not empty, they were overloaded with me, my pride, my effort, and my ineffective “wisdom” on how to proceed. That is the point, Ms. Berens. You can’t make this happen, God is the One, the only One who can accomplish in Trica what she needs. This moment will pass, and all will come to a grinding halt unless you give up control of this beautiful display of God’s Grace and Mercy.
As my pride and old self erupted, I felt like Paul the Apostle, who was knocked off his high horse by a vision of Jesus. I need to hasten off the pedestal I have erected for myself, before I get knocked off! I began shouting internally, Don’t go there!
God was stretching me. (That’s why I have so many stretch marks). I had to turn my back on taking control. (I just gotta say... no, you just don’t gotta say anything). As always, God is Sovereign. (You can knock of the self-serving right now!) It would be Him, not me, that gets the Glory, just as it should be. The old me wanted the spotlight. The new me wanted God to get the praise. I remembered reading in the Bible that God will not share His glory with another, that no one can stand in His place and get the applause for what He has done. Isaiah 42:8: “ My name is the Lord! I won’t let idols or humans share My glory and praise.” Well, I didn’t want to go there. I realized that completely surrendering to God and dismissing my plan and my thoughts, was the only proper course of action.
Here we are. This is it. You won’t have another moment like this one with Tricia. God loves Tricia more than you can imagine, and you need to bring her into His Throne Room for an audience with the King. The King of Kings is never too busy and will do what is necessary. You are just the delivery person.
Hesitating at the threshold of her home, I thought, I guess I should ask Tricia if she wants to receive Jesus into her heart as Savior. Does she want to let God into her heart? Is she willing to surrender her daily agenda and adopt His? Is she really ready to give up everything that she has done, which has left her empty and alone, and to accept the new life that God has for her?
It seemed like she was at that point. So I asked her…”Would you like to receive Jesus as your Lord and Savior Tricia?” She looked at me with wide-eyed wonder, as if she had seen the divine. Her face was radiant with her decision, her mind and heart laid bare, ready to embrace this new truth: the God of the Universe, the Creator, was willing to give His Son’s life in exchange for hers, so that she could experience a complete 180, a new start, a second chance at life from now to eternity.
I was excited for Tricia to meet this Merciful, Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Omniscient Lord, this Prince of Wholeness, and God-of-the-Angel-Armies. In one sovereign act, He let His Son be sacrificed to change the trajectory of Tricia’s life. He let His Son be crucified, a favorite penalty of the Romans to dehumanize, torture and slowly kill the most monstrous of criminals. With this sacrifice of Jesus, His Only Son, God opened the doors of Paradise that Tricia might enter into the life that was awaiting her in His Name. Softly, as if floating in the clouds, rounded tones came forth, and she uttered the most beautiful words: “Yes. I would like to receive Jesus as my Savior and Lord.”
I stood there with my eyes wide open, with no ability to vocalize anything intelligent. Thoughts were racing through my consciousness, accusing me of being ridiculous, causing me to falter and worry every millisecond to death. My brain was on overload...Beam me up Scotty! Get me outtahere! What made me think this was a great idea? I was stammering, I was failing...just then, a little tune resounded in my internal symphony: I ,I, I, I… me me me me me! Ugh, not that again! It's always me, me, me with you! Could you just once not put the big old hanging ‘me” first? Lord! Forgive me! Help me! Like being awakened from a bad dream, teetering on the edge of a burning building, with my head pounding, I anguished, Now what am I supposed to do?
Oh yes! Pray! Hmmmm… Praying is the right thing to do and she is supposed to repeat everything I say, no matter what I say, right? I think this is how it all works. Shaky and unsure, I began; any eloquence I might have had was MIA. This is insane! I was willing to go with it because God loved her more than I did and He is the one who does the transforming. My little prayer won’t make or break this situation. Again, trust. But what do I pray? What do I ask her? What does she say? Hmmmm.
With a voice that erupted out of the depths, I suggested we pray, and that she repeat after me. She agreed.
I had learned that when you pray, you start with Heavenly Father, and finish with In Jesus Name. That was cool. But the middle part was hard for me. Sweating bullets, I prayed and prayed and she obediently repeated and repeated.
I prayed the Old Testament and the New Testament. I prayed Patriarchs and Israelites. I prayed Mount Zion and the Mount of Olives. I prayed Mary, Joseph and the baby, I prayed Peter walking on water and the Transfiguration. I prayed the Woman at the Well and the Wedding at Canaan. I threw in a few beatitudes.. I think I even had Moses up on the cross at one point! My friend obediently parroted back all that I sputtered as we inched along the tightrope to her salvation.
I did manage to humbly beseech God with her: “Oh Lord, You know us inside and out and You know the depths of our need. Please forgive us for our past, always turning away from You, not acknowledging Your Presence or Your Provision in our lives. Please forgive us and restore us. We now understand that we are objects of Your Wrath because of the sinful lives we have been leading. Please reconcile us to Yourself as we declare that the sacrifice of the Perfect Lamb of God, Jesus, is the Answer to heal our dis-ease with You.”
With great gratitude we continued: “We declare that Jesus has opened the way to You, and that He is the Answer to relationship with You. We are delighted to agree with You about our sin, and to repent, now doing a ‘180’, completely turning away from our old life and fixing our eyes on You, the Author and Finisher of our Faith. We now look fully into Your Wonderful Face unashamed and free to approach You. We know that we cannot save ourselves, and that faith is a gift from You.”
Before continuing our hours-long prayer, I sat quietly for a moment, contemplating our request to the One Who Never Sleeps: “We understand that we are not asking for You to give us a religion, but we are imploring You to create a relationship with us.” I looked at Tricia’s face, how radiantly lovely she was at this juncture. How immersed in joy, and anchored to hope she was, as her heart now stretched toward her eternal home. I continued, “Thank You for the gift of faith, thank You for cleansing us from all our past mistakes. Thank You that Your Love and Mercy were spilled out upon the cross for us. Only You can make us clean and free, and we look to You now for that provision. Thank You for Your grace and love. Thank You for looking beyond our current circumstances to the potential You have placed in us. Thank You that when You look at us, You now see us through the image of Your Son, Jesus. Thank You for the cleansing power of the cross.” Tricia looked relieved. All the stress and condemnation she had previously carried like a badge of courage were now expunged. New Life had taken up residence, the old life was gone.
I was in awe of those words. I knew they weren’t mine. My brain was failing me, but God’s Spirit was speaking through me, escorting Tricia from slavery to freedom, from death into new life. When we both were finally completely worn out and spent, I said “AMEN!” She had repeated every word and with a louder than expected voice, her face as radiant as the sun, she repeated: “AMEN!!!” In Tricia, I saw the embodiment of, Psalm 34:5: ““Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.”
Whew, we made it! Glad THAT’S over. We opened our eyes and sat there for a few moments, absorbing what just happened, noticing how the sunlight, diffused through the trees outside, danced brilliantly around the apartment. There was a sweet palpable peace—and an unexplained hush. Full of awe and amazement, Tricia uttered, “I never noticed what a beautiful green that tree was!” Her eyes were new, she saw what I saw! Her heart was overflowing with love and gratitude. She was born anew and became a new creation in the sanctuary of her living room upon the altar of her couch.
Yippidy Dooda!! I wanted to jump and shout! He did it! God did it! He opened her heart and walked right in. Even with my bungling and stammering, she saw all things in a new light. She had new life inside of her and she was now open to what her Creator had for her.
It didn’t matter what I said, she prayed with everything in her and He heard, He saved. He restored. I was in awe of God for that ‘sign’ that He gave me, how the colors in the tree outside her window exploded with newness of life. I could rest, because I knew that no matter how I might mishandle and drop the ball in spiritual matters, He will always be the One who saves. I realized that the pressure was off. I became very clear about the truth that introducing people to Christ has nothing to do with how eloquent I sound, or how knowledgeable or uneducated I am. I could lean on God because He did what He always does best: He was God. I reminded myself that I never have to argue God’s existence, He IS. At that moment, I finally understood the phrase: It is our availability, not our ability that God uses.
No wonder God says ‘do not fear, I am with you’ so many times in His Word! He has passed the Family Business on to us, but He is still CEO, CFO, COO, and the Director at Large who moves all things to bring us to the place where we can come to know Him. I know with all that is in me that this job, this “Business” of sharing who God is with others is God-Engineered, God-Encompassed, God-Breathed and God-Molded and Finished. When Jesus said “It is finished” this is what He was talking about. Reverently, I watched the quintessence of Jeremiah 29:11: "’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’ "
For Tricia, a whole new life awaited her. She was a CPA, and within 2 years she was CFO of an international ministry, using her skills to make it possible for missionaries to bring to the unreached people of the San Francisco Bay Area, and the world beyond our soil, the Good News that God wants us to be reconciled to Himself. Watching how her life has unfolded before me has been one of my greatest joys. To Tricia, I will always be a spiritual midwife. One who carried her into new life. I am grateful.
During her employment as CFO of this ministry, Tricia was asked to speak often about spiritual and personal growth goals that she had for herself and her ministry partners. I was often in the audience, beaming. Tricia said it was hard to look at me because I was smiling so much it was blinding her. My gratitude to God had no bounds! In Tricia’s 30 years of being a Christian, I know that she has never looked back. Her focus is clear, and steady. Her life is on an upward trajectory. She goes where God directs.
I am so grateful that I was able to be a small player on her journey to finding God. He saw, He sent, He saved. No longer would her song be “I, I, I, me, me, me, me, me.” Tricia had a new song to sing, and she will continue to explode with joyous tones: “He is the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End.” Tricia’s History had become His Story. His Story, which is full of grace, overflowing with mercy, providing understanding and making tangible the truth of the scripture in John 8:36: “Whom the Son sets free is free indeed.” Tricia was enslaved and needed freedom. Where I saw a nice lady, God saw potential. He saw this lost child and wooed her into His embrace. “Thank You God, that no matter how inadequate I feel, I can rest, knowing that You do all things well.”
And that old me that wonders about ability? Well she is at rest, continuing to remind herself Who is really in charge. I stand in reverent awe. I long to see through God’s eyes, and to speak His Words. My heart is knitted to His, and only He can make a difference. My ceaseless prayer is “Use me Lord. I am here, available, waiting for Your next Call to Action.”
“For me to live is Christ [His life in me], and to die is gain [the gain of the glory of eternity].”
BarbTalk:
I looked up this verse in every translation I could find. They all say just about the same thing. It sounds very lofty. Can a normal Christ Follower utter this statement? More investigation was necessary to find the key to applying this verse.
After checking many translations, I went to the Hebrew/Greek Study Bible. The words for live and die have slightly different meanings than we normally would consider, but not different enough to understand more about the verse. The key was in the grammatical notations. Next to the word live is the notation pinf, present infinitive. This means refers to continuous or repeated action, without implying anything about the time of the action. In addition, it could be translated as in order to live there is Christ, or Christ gives me purpose to live.
The Amplified translation of this says it the best: “For me to live is Christ [His life in me], and to die is gain [the gain of the glory of eternity].”
The word die has in front of it ainf or aorist infinitive. This refers to a simple action, to die. To die once. We are not afforded many times to die and raise and die again. One time, one go around. No second time to try to do it right this time. Once. Hebrews 9:27-28, (NIV): “Just as people are destined to die once, and after that to face judgment,B)" data-cr="#cen-NIV-30133B" > so Christ was sacrificed once to take away the sins of many; and He will appear a second time, not to bear sin, but to bring salvation to those who are waiting for Him.” To live, really live, is having Christ’s life in us. The famous song, Amazing Grace, first verse states: “Amazing grace! How sweet the sound
that saved a wretch like me! I once was lost, but now am found; was blind, but now I see.”
It is definitely amazing to speak to a new believer. Their whole perspective has changed. They were blind, but now they see.
This is one of those BarbStories:
It’s Not Ability, But Availability That Counts
After living 33 years of my life ignoring the existence of God, I became a Christian on April 3, 1983. In my newfound Love, I was in awe of God and all that He had to offer me. As I reflect back on those first few months of relationship with God, I realize that I had been given the gift of new eyesight. What was ordinary before became more than extraordinary: the grass looked greener, the flowers bloomed more abundantly, and the trees, in their loveliness, with their boughs reaching up to heaven, were like instruments of praise to the Almighty. The sky was bluer, and the bird’s songs were more lovely, as they swept in and out of the grace that carried them, chirping applause to the One who provides all things.
The toddler steps I took each day in my new life in Jesus were submerged in reverent awe, as I soared the heights, floated on mercy, stumbled over grace, and walked confidently on the pathways of God’s love. I was set free. I didn’t need to control everything around me. God was in control. I was at His beck and call. The old control freak was gone, the new easy going wonder woman had arrived.
I had been cutting hair for 15 years when I encountered this Marvelous Savior. All that I had understood before suddenly had a brilliant light shining on it, revealing truth often ignored. My job, instead of being the same old thing every day, was transformed, as I peered through the eyes of the Divine. Each person who sat in my chair became a stage for displaying the wonders of a God who cares enough about His creation to make each feature, each gray hair, each golden lock a masterpiece of His glory. Like an unattended fire hydrant, I was eager to share both sweetly and sometimes obnoxiously, the truth of this God who was filling me daily with His Love.
My friend and client, Tricia (not her real name), called one day and asked me all kinds of questions about the Bible. As I listened, I panicked a little as I was so new at this. Trembling with wonder, I tried to remind myself that it was not my ability, but my willingness and availability that God uses. He had always turned my small loaves and fish into a banquet, so I could relax, be present, and listen to my friend on the phone.
During the conversation, Tricia confessed that her life was not going as she had hoped, and mentioned that she had observed such a transformation in me and was drawn to the possibility having her own emptiness filled.
My husband and I had our friend Mike staying over for a few days the Saturday that Tricia called with her questions. Mike always followed me around the house, curious about who I was and what I was doing. So of course, when Tricia called, Mike was right there, sitting at the kitchen table, next to the only phone in the house. Mike managed to be all ears, even though he was singularly focused on wrapping his lunch spaghetti around on a spoon like the mafioso in all the old Italian movies. He was not about to remove himself from my presence while I was having this intimate conversation with Tricia. Being a novice at this, I didn’t want him to hear me. I felt forced to converse with my face lowered into the kitchen sink, each syllable echoing loudly as it plummeted to the bottom of the garbage disposal. Our phone call ended as Tricia and I decided to meet later that day. I really didn’t want to keep sharing this great news of God with my lips glued to the porcelain.
Later that day, Tricia and I walked all over sun drenched Palo Alto for hours. I did my best to tell her everything I knew, trying to recall all that I had heard at church and all I had read in the Bible. I did my best to share what I could remember about Adam and Eve, the Law and the Prophets in the Old Testament, and how Jesus and His imminent return fulfilled all that was documented in this Holy Literature. As we talked and walked, I disintegrated into a basket case. Help me God! I don’t know how to do this! Over and over, this rolled through my thoughts: Babies leading babies. Oh boy. Good thing God is in charge.
My thoughts were whirling...would I do the right thing? Say the right thing? Pray the right things? What if I blow it? What if she asks me something I can’t answer? What if I get stuck and not know what to do.. What if, what if, what if...Now I just want to cry. Okay. Stop. Knock it off. This is not about you, Barb. Get a hold of yourself. This is one of those ‘trust moments’.
Rather than focusing on my inadequacy and fear, I intentionally squelched my desire to run away and forced myself to think about the people that Jesus gathered around Him.
Jesus called and equipped normal folks like me to be His ambassadors. Ordinary, mistake-making, blundering-idiot-sometimes, people like me. He didn’t look into people’s eyes and judge their knowledge, He looked into their hearts and assessed how available they were to be used by Him.
I thought of the apostle Peter: he was always so impulsive. His real name was Simon, which translates into ‘Wishy Washy’. In the account of the Transfiguration, one translation states: "Peter, not knowing what to say, said…" It was always “foot in mouth disease”, and always tasty toes for Peter. Oh boy is that familiar! Yet even with all the dumb things he did, Jesus changed his name from Wishy Washy to Peter, which means "Rock." I pondered the lives of the apostle, John, and his brother, James, who were nicknamed ‘Sons of Thunder’. They needed anger management seminars. Then there was Thomas the doubter. Matthew the tax collector, considered lower on the society level than the worst criminals. Mark, the one who ran away. Luke, the doctor, who was very technical and not so spiritual. And Bartholomew, who the heck was that? What about Mary and Martha? Mary just sat around, and Martha was too busy to sit and listen. Mary Magdalene had commitment issues. Then there was ‘Nick at night’: Nicodemus, a religious scholar, who came to question Jesus in the dark so he wouldn’t get caught by those in religious authority. Peter denied Jesus 3 times, and got the ‘look that kills’ from Him. I guess he decided his job as an Apostle was over with when Jesus died, so he went back to fishing. Jesus picked these folks to be the new leaders of the "Family Business", because He was headed back up to heaven to sit at the right hand of God to intercede for us. Jesus trusted them and now He trusted me to share what He had done.
Hmmmm… I guess I am not that bad. Just a little ignorant. My best efforts and brilliant ideas will change no one. God is the One who has to show Tricia, teach her, open her heart and bring her new life. I love how Psalm 119:130 states it: “The unfolding of Your Words gives light; it gives understanding to the simple.” Sharing this great news with Tricia is an honor, and must be treated with honor and respect. God’s Word alone brings light and life. Captivated by this Truth, I mentally touched the hem of Jesus’ garment, submitting myself to His plan for Tricia, not mine. Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life that had been revealed to me, and I desperately wanted Tricia to fall into His embrace. I had learned that who God calls, He equips. (So equip me already!) I also remembered the scripture in Romans 11:29: “God’s gifts and His call are irrevocable.” I reminded myself that I had been given gifts that God will keep in place, and He had given me the ability to use them. (So get with the program already!)
As Tricia and I turned the corner toward her apartment, my BC (before Christ) life and the old feeling of trying to take control of everything and everyone crept into my being, paralyzing me, creating a giant boulder of defiance and separation from the God I loved. There was such a contrast between Tricia and I in those moments. As we walked and talked, Tricia was moving gently along the path to meet the God of the Universe, heart wide open, hands wide open, ready to receive anything He had for her. My hands were not empty, they were overloaded with me, my pride, my effort, and my ineffective “wisdom” on how to proceed. That is the point, Ms. Berens. You can’t make this happen, God is the One, the only One who can accomplish in Trica what she needs. This moment will pass, and all will come to a grinding halt unless you give up control of this beautiful display of God’s Grace and Mercy.
As my pride and old self erupted, I felt like Paul the Apostle, who was knocked off his high horse by a vision of Jesus. I need to hasten off the pedestal I have erected for myself, before I get knocked off! I began shouting internally, Don’t go there!
God was stretching me. (That’s why I have so many stretch marks). I had to turn my back on taking control. (I just gotta say... no, you just don’t gotta say anything). As always, God is Sovereign. (You can knock of the self-serving right now!) It would be Him, not me, that gets the Glory, just as it should be. The old me wanted the spotlight. The new me wanted God to get the praise. I remembered reading in the Bible that God will not share His glory with another, that no one can stand in His place and get the applause for what He has done. Isaiah 42:8: “ My name is the Lord! I won’t let idols or humans share My glory and praise.” Well, I didn’t want to go there. I realized that completely surrendering to God and dismissing my plan and my thoughts, was the only proper course of action.
Here we are. This is it. You won’t have another moment like this one with Tricia. God loves Tricia more than you can imagine, and you need to bring her into His Throne Room for an audience with the King. The King of Kings is never too busy and will do what is necessary. You are just the delivery person.
Hesitating at the threshold of her home, I thought, I guess I should ask Tricia if she wants to receive Jesus into her heart as Savior. Does she want to let God into her heart? Is she willing to surrender her daily agenda and adopt His? Is she really ready to give up everything that she has done, which has left her empty and alone, and to accept the new life that God has for her?
It seemed like she was at that point. So I asked her…”Would you like to receive Jesus as your Lord and Savior Tricia?” She looked at me with wide-eyed wonder, as if she had seen the divine. Her face was radiant with her decision, her mind and heart laid bare, ready to embrace this new truth: the God of the Universe, the Creator, was willing to give His Son’s life in exchange for hers, so that she could experience a complete 180, a new start, a second chance at life from now to eternity.
I was excited for Tricia to meet this Merciful, Omnipotent, Omnipresent, Omniscient Lord, this Prince of Wholeness, and God-of-the-Angel-Armies. In one sovereign act, He let His Son be sacrificed to change the trajectory of Tricia’s life. He let His Son be crucified, a favorite penalty of the Romans to dehumanize, torture and slowly kill the most monstrous of criminals. With this sacrifice of Jesus, His Only Son, God opened the doors of Paradise that Tricia might enter into the life that was awaiting her in His Name. Softly, as if floating in the clouds, rounded tones came forth, and she uttered the most beautiful words: “Yes. I would like to receive Jesus as my Savior and Lord.”
I stood there with my eyes wide open, with no ability to vocalize anything intelligent. Thoughts were racing through my consciousness, accusing me of being ridiculous, causing me to falter and worry every millisecond to death. My brain was on overload...Beam me up Scotty! Get me outtahere! What made me think this was a great idea? I was stammering, I was failing...just then, a little tune resounded in my internal symphony: I ,I, I, I… me me me me me! Ugh, not that again! It's always me, me, me with you! Could you just once not put the big old hanging ‘me” first? Lord! Forgive me! Help me! Like being awakened from a bad dream, teetering on the edge of a burning building, with my head pounding, I anguished, Now what am I supposed to do?
Oh yes! Pray! Hmmmm… Praying is the right thing to do and she is supposed to repeat everything I say, no matter what I say, right? I think this is how it all works. Shaky and unsure, I began; any eloquence I might have had was MIA. This is insane! I was willing to go with it because God loved her more than I did and He is the one who does the transforming. My little prayer won’t make or break this situation. Again, trust. But what do I pray? What do I ask her? What does she say? Hmmmm.
With a voice that erupted out of the depths, I suggested we pray, and that she repeat after me. She agreed.
I had learned that when you pray, you start with Heavenly Father, and finish with In Jesus Name. That was cool. But the middle part was hard for me. Sweating bullets, I prayed and prayed and she obediently repeated and repeated.
I prayed the Old Testament and the New Testament. I prayed Patriarchs and Israelites. I prayed Mount Zion and the Mount of Olives. I prayed Mary, Joseph and the baby, I prayed Peter walking on water and the Transfiguration. I prayed the Woman at the Well and the Wedding at Canaan. I threw in a few beatitudes.. I think I even had Moses up on the cross at one point! My friend obediently parroted back all that I sputtered as we inched along the tightrope to her salvation.
I did manage to humbly beseech God with her: “Oh Lord, You know us inside and out and You know the depths of our need. Please forgive us for our past, always turning away from You, not acknowledging Your Presence or Your Provision in our lives. Please forgive us and restore us. We now understand that we are objects of Your Wrath because of the sinful lives we have been leading. Please reconcile us to Yourself as we declare that the sacrifice of the Perfect Lamb of God, Jesus, is the Answer to heal our dis-ease with You.”
With great gratitude we continued: “We declare that Jesus has opened the way to You, and that He is the Answer to relationship with You. We are delighted to agree with You about our sin, and to repent, now doing a ‘180’, completely turning away from our old life and fixing our eyes on You, the Author and Finisher of our Faith. We now look fully into Your Wonderful Face unashamed and free to approach You. We know that we cannot save ourselves, and that faith is a gift from You.”
Before continuing our hours-long prayer, I sat quietly for a moment, contemplating our request to the One Who Never Sleeps: “We understand that we are not asking for You to give us a religion, but we are imploring You to create a relationship with us.” I looked at Tricia’s face, how radiantly lovely she was at this juncture. How immersed in joy, and anchored to hope she was, as her heart now stretched toward her eternal home. I continued, “Thank You for the gift of faith, thank You for cleansing us from all our past mistakes. Thank You that Your Love and Mercy were spilled out upon the cross for us. Only You can make us clean and free, and we look to You now for that provision. Thank You for Your grace and love. Thank You for looking beyond our current circumstances to the potential You have placed in us. Thank You that when You look at us, You now see us through the image of Your Son, Jesus. Thank You for the cleansing power of the cross.” Tricia looked relieved. All the stress and condemnation she had previously carried like a badge of courage were now expunged. New Life had taken up residence, the old life was gone.
I was in awe of those words. I knew they weren’t mine. My brain was failing me, but God’s Spirit was speaking through me, escorting Tricia from slavery to freedom, from death into new life. When we both were finally completely worn out and spent, I said “AMEN!” She had repeated every word and with a louder than expected voice, her face as radiant as the sun, she repeated: “AMEN!!!” In Tricia, I saw the embodiment of, Psalm 34:5: ““Those who look to Him are radiant; their faces are never covered with shame.”
Whew, we made it! Glad THAT’S over. We opened our eyes and sat there for a few moments, absorbing what just happened, noticing how the sunlight, diffused through the trees outside, danced brilliantly around the apartment. There was a sweet palpable peace—and an unexplained hush. Full of awe and amazement, Tricia uttered, “I never noticed what a beautiful green that tree was!” Her eyes were new, she saw what I saw! Her heart was overflowing with love and gratitude. She was born anew and became a new creation in the sanctuary of her living room upon the altar of her couch.
Yippidy Dooda!! I wanted to jump and shout! He did it! God did it! He opened her heart and walked right in. Even with my bungling and stammering, she saw all things in a new light. She had new life inside of her and she was now open to what her Creator had for her.
It didn’t matter what I said, she prayed with everything in her and He heard, He saved. He restored. I was in awe of God for that ‘sign’ that He gave me, how the colors in the tree outside her window exploded with newness of life. I could rest, because I knew that no matter how I might mishandle and drop the ball in spiritual matters, He will always be the One who saves. I realized that the pressure was off. I became very clear about the truth that introducing people to Christ has nothing to do with how eloquent I sound, or how knowledgeable or uneducated I am. I could lean on God because He did what He always does best: He was God. I reminded myself that I never have to argue God’s existence, He IS. At that moment, I finally understood the phrase: It is our availability, not our ability that God uses.
No wonder God says ‘do not fear, I am with you’ so many times in His Word! He has passed the Family Business on to us, but He is still CEO, CFO, COO, and the Director at Large who moves all things to bring us to the place where we can come to know Him. I know with all that is in me that this job, this “Business” of sharing who God is with others is God-Engineered, God-Encompassed, God-Breathed and God-Molded and Finished. When Jesus said “It is finished” this is what He was talking about. Reverently, I watched the quintessence of Jeremiah 29:11: "’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.’ "
For Tricia, a whole new life awaited her. She was a CPA, and within 2 years she was CFO of an international ministry, using her skills to make it possible for missionaries to bring to the unreached people of the San Francisco Bay Area, and the world beyond our soil, the Good News that God wants us to be reconciled to Himself. Watching how her life has unfolded before me has been one of my greatest joys. To Tricia, I will always be a spiritual midwife. One who carried her into new life. I am grateful.
During her employment as CFO of this ministry, Tricia was asked to speak often about spiritual and personal growth goals that she had for herself and her ministry partners. I was often in the audience, beaming. Tricia said it was hard to look at me because I was smiling so much it was blinding her. My gratitude to God had no bounds! In Tricia’s 30 years of being a Christian, I know that she has never looked back. Her focus is clear, and steady. Her life is on an upward trajectory. She goes where God directs.
I am so grateful that I was able to be a small player on her journey to finding God. He saw, He sent, He saved. No longer would her song be “I, I, I, me, me, me, me, me.” Tricia had a new song to sing, and she will continue to explode with joyous tones: “He is the Alpha and Omega, the Beginning and the End.” Tricia’s History had become His Story. His Story, which is full of grace, overflowing with mercy, providing understanding and making tangible the truth of the scripture in John 8:36: “Whom the Son sets free is free indeed.” Tricia was enslaved and needed freedom. Where I saw a nice lady, God saw potential. He saw this lost child and wooed her into His embrace. “Thank You God, that no matter how inadequate I feel, I can rest, knowing that You do all things well.”
And that old me that wonders about ability? Well she is at rest, continuing to remind herself Who is really in charge. I stand in reverent awe. I long to see through God’s eyes, and to speak His Words. My heart is knitted to His, and only He can make a difference. My ceaseless prayer is “Use me Lord. I am here, available, waiting for Your next Call to Action.”
“For me to live is Christ [His life in me], and to die is gain [the gain of the glory of eternity].”
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