A Reasonable Explanation

Hi, my name is Barb, and I am a control freak.

M favorite song today is Lauren Daigle’s O' Lord:

“Though times it seems
Like I'm coming undone
This walk can often feel lonely
No matter what until this race is won
I will stand my ground where hope can be found

Your strength is found
At the end of my road
Your grace it reaches to the hurting
Still through the tears and the questioning why
I will stand my ground where hope can be found


O'Lord O'Lord I know You hear my cry
Your love is lifting me above all the lies
No matter what I face this I know in time
You'll take all that is wrong and make it right”

On Sunday, September 4, 2017, on the way to church, a two-second vision filled my mind. It seemed to be a reasonable and true explanation for my last 9 months of sequestering with an MS Episode; a benign cervical cancer scare; the flu, twice; two ear infections; and kidney stones. I also realize that I have hope when others question Why me Lord?

My life is in the hands of the Maker of Heaven as the song is Nothing I Hold Onto, by the United Pursuit Band, states:

“I lean not on my own understanding,
My life is in the hands of the Maker of Heaven

I give it all to You God,
Trusting that You’ll make something beautiful out of me

I will climb this mountain
With my hands wide open

There’s nothing I hold onto

I lean not on my own understanding,
My life is in the hands of the Maker of Heaven.”

I believe my Heavenly Father allows everything I experience to flow through His hands into my life. All that has happened, during my brief 68 years, has formed me into who I am today. And, He’s not finished with me yet! I have refining yet to experience and I am naïve in so many ways.

During this 9 months, the Lord revealed that I must go to the Multisite Service that Peninsula Covenant Church (PCC) is planning.

I took part in a PCC Stakeholder’s Summit months ago, rallying those committed to the Multisite which will meet away from the main church campus. The purpose is to reach the 20,000 people who will move into Redwood City, California, in the next 10 years.  

To transition with our new pastor of the Off-Campus Multisite, Scott, the leadership requested we go to the 9:05 Service in the gym, away from the Worship Center. I explained that I have Gloria with me, who has dementia, and she will not handle that transition. Aware that the statement was not 100% true, I stated that I will attend the 9:05 Service alone when it becomes too difficult for her. They urged us to take part in the Bible Study, ROOTED, which is a personal journey of faith, with the goal of deepening our connection with God, biblical community and our purpose in the epic story He is writing through human history.

The Vision:
I saw a safe with a combination lock, secured, unopened. A safecracker crouched, pressing his ear against the door of the safe. He manipulated the dial, listening for each Click that would release the treasure inside.

In the vision, I saw the last nine months of my life. Each was a turn of the dial, each was a necessary click to open me up to the treasure the Lord had for me.  

Click: We move Gloria into Kensington Place Memory Care.
        Gloria broke her hip one week later.
        God revealed to me a need for a Bible Study at Kensington
        Place called What’s in a Name? Based on the Names of God.
        I search for a Bible Study, unable to find one that meets the
        needs of those in Kensington Place.

Click,Click,Click: MS Episode begins, I have no memory,
        I cannot drive, I have no energy, confusion sets in.
        I miss church most of the time.
        I catch the flu.
       Al leaves for Egypt for 3 weeks.
        I catch the flu again.
        I miss church most of the time.

Click: We vacation in Mexico where I am introduced to electronic
         sketching programs by my sister-in-law.
        I get an ear infection.
        I miss church most of the time.
        I feel like I am in basic training with the Lord:
        Nothing is to go in or out of my mouth without His say so.

Click: The Lord heals me of something I did not realize was hurting me.
          I know that I am not to tell anyone about this healing
          unless He permits it. I experience new freedom.
          I get ear infection #2.
          I miss church most of the time.

Click: I have a benign cervical cancer scare complete with biopsies  
          and sonograms (which were exhausting)
          I write the Bible Study called: What’s in a Name?
          I take the 10 week Rooted Study with 4 friends.
          My energy refuses to return.
          I wonder why I have not started the Bible Study at Kensington.
          I wonder why I thought I needed to go to the Multisite.

Click: I take part in the Rooted Prayer Experience in the Redwood    
        City Courthouse Square unwillingly.
        I meet 4 Muslim women who become my friends and I
        understand why I must go to the Multisite.
        I realize that I have been forcibly removed from “my” pew.
        I miss church most of the time.
        The Lord heals my eyes and I do not need glasses for the first
         time in my life.
        I realize I am still attached to the Worship Center,
        and miss weeks of Church Services.
        I begin the Capstone Online Creative Writing Class to finish
        my certificate in Creative Writing at Wesleyan University.

Click: I have painful and exhausting kidney stones.       
         I am separated from the Worship Center.
         I write my story for the final grade in the Writing Class,
         The Princess and the Puzzle.
         I realize for the first time the  neglect I experienced as a child.
         Because of my low energy, I realize I cannot bring Gloria to
         church anymore.          
         I have lunch with Nate Bartoshuk and he tells me about
        Tabatha’s talk on the Names of God at church.
        I contact her and she agrees to speak at the first meeting of
        What’s in a Name?
         I understand why I have not started the Bible Study at
         Kensington Place. It is to be on the Lord’s timetable, not mine.

Click: I start attending church in the gym at 9:05
          and fearfully decide that this is where I need to be.
          I will go to the Multisite.
          My energy returns.
          I am reminded that I am still in basic training with the Lord.
          I am contacted by my Muslim friends and meet them at
          the Redwood City Courthouse Square again.
          Their friendship is a treasure for me.
     
Click: The Safe Opens

I now understand I am a hard nut who is difficult to crack. How patient the Lord has been with me to work through all my concerns. This isn’t the first time that I have been flat on my back to hear the Lord’s direction for me. I concluded that I was to lead Women’s Ministry at my former church when I was down with pneumonia for 6 weeks. I remember pouting to the Lord, “I can’t do it. I can’t do anything right now!” Inside me was the message: “Now you get it. You can’t do anything without Me.”

I still have a lot to learn. I still can be very stubborn and set in my ways. The Lord wants me to be set in His ways, and to move when He says to move, to stay when He says to stay.

Lord my heart glows and my smile broadens when I think that You love me with all my flaws, my stubbornness and my short sightedness.


The door of the safe, locked again, tells me I must take time to listen intently to each move of the Spirit. I will continue to "stand my ground where hope can be found". 

---

"There’s nothing I hold onto. 
I lean not on my own understanding. 
My life is in the hands of 
the Maker of Heaven."    

I just received a comment from a friend:
  
"Did you realize
that 9 clicks is 9 months
to see God's  truth/way
that somehow is like a new child
or may be a new Barb reborn?"

​SO ABSOLUTELY COOL!!!