Last night before I fell asleep this went through my mind:
"Help me understand the depth of my depravity
so I may know the heights of Your Grace"
It is a true statement.
I cannot begin to comprehend the Grace I need,
or even acknowledge the fact that I need Grace at all
until I recognize the fact that I have failed morally as a human being.
In the past, I have failed to acknowledge God's Presence,
I have basically spit in His Face, and said You don't matter.
I have tried to break as many of the 10 Commandments as I could.
The 10 Commandments all boil down to Love God and Love others.
For 33 years of my life I ignored the existence of God
and of any Higher Authority, and put myself on the throne.
I thought I was in charge of me.
I was doing a really bad job of it, and I was going down hill fast.
I was angry and sad and depressed and crazy.
All of a sudden I thought, 'hey, I need Jesus. He is the One I need!'
as if it was my own original thought.
I had no idea what I was walking into.
I can say it has been an adventure!
I never would have guessed that my life would turn out like this.
For 32 years I have loved and served God.
And now here I am,
still aware of the Grace and Mercy of God that carry me each day.
I am aware of my need of Him each moment.
I can only imagine life without Him and it is frightening.
My desire is to never turn my back on Him, never walk away and never quit seeking Him and His Presence and Wisdom in my life.
But, alas, I am human.
I fail. I stumble. I fall. I drift off in my thoughts.
The only thing I can do some days
is choose to read the Word of God
and focus myself on the 'instruction manual' I have been graciously given.
Do I think of others? Sure I do. And then I fail.
Do I have pure thoughts?
Sometimes, but occasionally horrible things go through my head
which prompt me to say to God:
"Did You HEAR that??
It was awful!
Please take that thought away and replace it with thoughts of You."
Today I see, feel, know and acknowledge my need of God.
He is the only One who can fill me up
so I can pour out all that is within me and still be in one piece.
I am grateful. I am convinced.
I am His. He is mine.
Nothing better ever existed in the past or will exist in the future.
He is. I am.
That's all that matters.
The Message Romans 8:28-29:
"I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low,
thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love
because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us."
Jesus, Thank You for that embrace that I am not always aware of.
Thank You that You never leave me or forsake me.
Thank You that You will always be for me, not against me.
Thank You that during this season, when everything gets a bit crazy,
that You are the centerpiece of my heart, and my table.
I choose to light one candle to recognize moment by moment
that when You were born, a great Light came into a massive darkness.
That One Light has brought the knowledge of God to mankind.
I cannot thank You enough.
I cannot praise You enough. I can only offer myself to You,
as a broken, depraved human who desires Your Ways and Mercy in my life.
Thank You, thank You, thank You.
The Message Isaiah 9:2-7
"The people who walked in darkness
have seen a great light.
For those who lived in a land of deep shadows--
light! sunbursts of light!
You repopulated the nation,
you expanded its joy.
Oh, they’re so glad in your presence!
Festival joy!
The joy of a great celebration,
sharing rich gifts and warm greetings.
The abuse of oppressors and cruelty of tyrants--
all their whips and cudgels and curses--
Is gone, done away with, a deliverance
as surprising and sudden as Gideon’s old victory over Midian.
The boots of all those invading troops,
along with their shirts soaked with innocent blood,
Will be piled in a heap and burned,
a fire that will burn for days!
For a child has been born—for us!
the gift of a son—for us!
He’ll take over
the running of the world.
His names will be:
Amazing Counselor,
Strong God,
Eternal Father,
Prince of Wholeness.
His ruling authority will grow,
and there’ll be no limits to the wholeness he brings.
He’ll rule from the historic David throne
over that promised kingdom.
He’ll put that kingdom on a firm footing
and keep it going
With fair dealing and right living,
beginning now and lasting always.
The zeal of God-of-the-Angel-Armies
will do all this."
"Help me understand the depth of my depravity
so I may know the heights of Your Grace"
It is a true statement.
I cannot begin to comprehend the Grace I need,
or even acknowledge the fact that I need Grace at all
until I recognize the fact that I have failed morally as a human being.
In the past, I have failed to acknowledge God's Presence,
I have basically spit in His Face, and said You don't matter.
I have tried to break as many of the 10 Commandments as I could.
The 10 Commandments all boil down to Love God and Love others.
For 33 years of my life I ignored the existence of God
and of any Higher Authority, and put myself on the throne.
I thought I was in charge of me.
I was doing a really bad job of it, and I was going down hill fast.
I was angry and sad and depressed and crazy.
All of a sudden I thought, 'hey, I need Jesus. He is the One I need!'
as if it was my own original thought.
I had no idea what I was walking into.
I can say it has been an adventure!
I never would have guessed that my life would turn out like this.
For 32 years I have loved and served God.
And now here I am,
still aware of the Grace and Mercy of God that carry me each day.
I am aware of my need of Him each moment.
I can only imagine life without Him and it is frightening.
My desire is to never turn my back on Him, never walk away and never quit seeking Him and His Presence and Wisdom in my life.
But, alas, I am human.
I fail. I stumble. I fall. I drift off in my thoughts.
The only thing I can do some days
is choose to read the Word of God
and focus myself on the 'instruction manual' I have been graciously given.
Do I think of others? Sure I do. And then I fail.
Do I have pure thoughts?
Sometimes, but occasionally horrible things go through my head
which prompt me to say to God:
"Did You HEAR that??
It was awful!
Please take that thought away and replace it with thoughts of You."
Today I see, feel, know and acknowledge my need of God.
He is the only One who can fill me up
so I can pour out all that is within me and still be in one piece.
I am grateful. I am convinced.
I am His. He is mine.
Nothing better ever existed in the past or will exist in the future.
He is. I am.
That's all that matters.
The Message Romans 8:28-29:
"I’m absolutely convinced that nothing—nothing living or dead, angelic or demonic, today or tomorrow, high or low,
thinkable or unthinkable—absolutely nothing can get between us and God’s love
because of the way that Jesus our Master has embraced us."
Jesus, Thank You for that embrace that I am not always aware of.
Thank You that You never leave me or forsake me.
Thank You that You will always be for me, not against me.
Thank You that during this season, when everything gets a bit crazy,
that You are the centerpiece of my heart, and my table.
I choose to light one candle to recognize moment by moment
that when You were born, a great Light came into a massive darkness.
That One Light has brought the knowledge of God to mankind.
I cannot thank You enough.
I cannot praise You enough. I can only offer myself to You,
as a broken, depraved human who desires Your Ways and Mercy in my life.
Thank You, thank You, thank You.
The Message Isaiah 9:2-7
"The people who walked in darkness
have seen a great light.
For those who lived in a land of deep shadows--
light! sunbursts of light!
You repopulated the nation,
you expanded its joy.
Oh, they’re so glad in your presence!
Festival joy!
The joy of a great celebration,
sharing rich gifts and warm greetings.
The abuse of oppressors and cruelty of tyrants--
all their whips and cudgels and curses--
Is gone, done away with, a deliverance
as surprising and sudden as Gideon’s old victory over Midian.
The boots of all those invading troops,
along with their shirts soaked with innocent blood,
Will be piled in a heap and burned,
a fire that will burn for days!
For a child has been born—for us!
the gift of a son—for us!
He’ll take over
the running of the world.
His names will be:
Amazing Counselor,
Strong God,
Eternal Father,
Prince of Wholeness.
His ruling authority will grow,
and there’ll be no limits to the wholeness he brings.
He’ll rule from the historic David throne
over that promised kingdom.
He’ll put that kingdom on a firm footing
and keep it going
With fair dealing and right living,
beginning now and lasting always.
The zeal of God-of-the-Angel-Armies
will do all this."
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