25 Easy Steps to Take a Friend with Dementia to Church (Humor)

This was written for an assignment for an online Creative Writing Class I am taking.



​This is a proven method to take your friend to church and to lunch even though her dementia makes it challenging.

These bits of wisdom will augment your preparation for this adventure:

• Be prepared to speak in short sentences, and repeat them often, using the same words
• To keep your cool as your adventure continues, anticipate what she might do, based on what she has done in the past, and be prepared
• Be patient. Things will take longer than you would ever expect and will need frequent guidance
• She will worry greatly over the safety of her belongings. Make sure that you know how much money she carries, and where she keeps all of her belongings. Then you can assure her when questioned a dozen times about them.

If you attend Sunday church, this routine will help keep your sanity:

• Saturday, before you go to bed, call your friend and tell her that tomorrow is Sunday and what time you will be picking her up to go to church and to lunch
• Sunday morning, call your friend and announce that it is Sunday, and you will pick her up to go to church and to lunch. Stress clean clothes, teeth and hair.
• As you leave your home, call your friend, inform her it is Sunday, and you will be arriving soon. Tell her to sign out of the Assisted Living Facility in which she lives, and to wait outside.
• When you reach the facility, go to her room to find her, her keys, wallet, her phone, her walker and glasses. Point out that it is Sunday, and you will be going to church and lunch.
• Help her get into the car, emphasizing that she won’t be driving, as it is your turn.
• Put her walker in the back seat, and after helping with the seat belt, warn her that you don’t want to smash her fingers in the door again.    
• When questioned about the other people in the car, cite that they have their own car and will be going separately.
• When you arrive at church, stick close by so she doesn’t get lost on the way into the door. If there are any service animals present, sit next to them.
• Alert those around you to inform you immediately if she takes off and you are unaware of it. Pre-arrange to have a friend fetch her walker at the end of the service, so you won’t be away from her at any time.
• Periodically touch her arm or shoulder and ask if she is okay. Do not be concerned if she does not participate.
• When it is time to leave, check to see if she has removed books, pens or papers that belong to the church.
• Repeat the car routine, advising her that you are taking her to lunch and that the other people have their own car.
• Arriving at the restaurant, divulge that the other people will not be joining you and that they have their own car.
• Interpret her order for ice tea for the server.
• When the server comes back the fourth time, assist your friend in making a choice.
• Praise her for eating her vegetables and protein.
• Paying the Bill
  • Have your patience banked so that you will be stress-free as she takes the 50 rubber bands off of her wallet, going through every card and bill in her wallet until she locates the card.
  • Help put her card in the check holder, noting every other minute that she just needs to wait until someone comes to pick it up.
  • When the check holder returns, calmly mention five times that you have given her credit card to the server already and she can put it away.
  • As you leave, notify her that she needs to leave the check holder on the table, and that the napkins, salt and pepper shakers, and sugar packets all belong to the restaurant and she is not to take them home. Gently repeat 3 times exiting the restaurant.
• The car routine nailed down, comment that the other people took their own car and that they will go home separately. State that you will be driving as it is your turn.
• Dropping her off, note that all items in the car are not hers, and that they need to stay there.
• Drive away, take deep refreshing breaths.
• Go home and have a drink.

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